Arising from the ashes

the name of this blog has changed. as has my life.

completely.

i once was an overachiever. i was a young doctor with lots of ladder-rungs to climb. i also was an aspiring athlete. while i had mild talent, i needed more training to race like the kind of athlete i wanted to be. i was an overachiever;  i also wanted to be better than i ever was, at that very moment; "it" was never enough.

i then was a seriously overtrained athlete and a very ill woman that had to sit 2 weeks, silently and alone on a potential leukemia diagnosis. then it wasn't that but no one knew what was "wrong with me." and i got that question ALL THE TIME. "so did they find out what's wrong with you?" when you feel like shit and don't have answers or any leads, that question, although well-intentioned, is a constant reminder you're lost at sea and there are no hopes of rescue.

the next chapter would be described as passionately clinging onto what i once thought was important,  MY PREVIOUS LIFE (no small thing to completely give up and change), resisting my illness, and then falling into acceptance with brief moments of mindful peace. resist, accept, accepppppt,  RESIST! FIGHT! give up exhausted. accept. repeat.

until finally, i radically changed my life. and as it turned out, for the better. thank fucking god! life can be so hard and painful that we need, I NEEDED, a rainbow at the end of that, blow the shingles off your roof and in fact, rip up the foundation tornado.

i have since moved to one of the most spirit-stirring beautiful places in the US, fallen completely in love with one of the most amazing men i've ever met, and am blissfully surrounded by my loving, supportive and ridiculously fun family. i haven't worked for the past 4 months. and if you're jealous, blow the wheels off your life and then talk to me about "i wish I COULD take that kind of time off." this was and still is completely neccesary for my recovery. i'm also insanely grateful that i've created this opportunity and have the support to heal. when people ask me "what do you do?" i now tell them, "i do me."

yes, i'm completely investing in me. i'm getting healthier, wiser and more prepared. i won't always be on spiritual vacation but when i start working again, all the books and writing and reflecting i've been doing will absolutely pay off. every prophet spent their "time in the desert", soul searching and getting prepared to spread their message. and while i'm not at all delusional about being a prophet or spiritual leader, i have a message to share about healing and health. and i'm looking forward to the day when i'm ready to share that message and journey.

so yes folks, the blog is back and this phoenix is arising. only this time, i'm back with a brand new addition. i'm no longer a triathlete goddess but the girl, living from one golden, blissful moment to the next... and revealing in them when i find them.