Prince is creepy, a Grateful dead concert, and I'm going bald.

So I woke up this morning and couldn't talk. I had the transient husky voice of an alcoholic smoker. Not feeling too bad but certainly rolling out of bed for an AM ride in the fog was out of the question. I'm a women with limited resources these days. If I Halloween party until the wee hours the night before, I'm toast the next morning. Well actually, french toast this AM compliments of Cafe Milan and Playa Ridazz. It was FREE breakfast this morning so I made the huge journey: out of my bed, down my stairs, down my hill, crossed the street, and FINALLY... made it to Cafe Milan.

The oh so chillaxed cafe a block from the beach in da' hood. All the locals attend for weekend brunch and the Playa Ridazz were providing free breakfast post-ride. They're my local group of kick ass cool people that do triathlon and ride Tuesday and Thursday mornings.

There is something about riding as the sun's coming up with this group. You've just finished riding so hard, you thought you might puke. But you wanted to push it to see who could sprint "the stretch" and keep going strong through the Manhattan Beach rollers. The gang is now cruising the beach path back to Playa. Golden sky, yummy saltwater smell, looking out for sand patches on the path, surfers finding the break, planning whether or not you all have time for morning brew before heading to work. This is your life and you live at the beach....

The stamina of my friends is shocking. Marvin and Les actually rode this morning after a night of Halloweenous debauchery. I'm sniffle-cough sick after last night's party but rolled out of bed for the FREE french toast. Playa Ridazz won the team time trial triathlon division at our local Playa del Rey triathlon last weekend. The prize money funded our morning yumminess.

When your sitting with friends, after the mad consumption that only triathletes can do, various topics come up. They're usually stories that at the time, weren't so funny, but go-over fabulous many years later while sipping coffee with friends. They ranged from:

~how he met his Hawaiian college roommate who stole from the model-room their dorm room refrigerator (and beat it up with a baseball bat and put stickers on it so no one would guess it was him)

~the walk of shame that involved having to pull over on a 6-lane highway to puke while driving home that morning

~how he thought the UCLA female-version of the Bruin mascot was gay

~the time in college when a friend went 4-wheeling in the rain, the brakes stuck, and that person launched off the property, Dukes of Hazzard style, and drove through the boathouse sinking the car, 2 boats, and 2 jet-skis.

~when the next Guitar Hero party is happening and how to put in a floating river lazy pool in their backyard

~meeting up with a friend on the swim team and ending up in NoCal at a Grateful Dead concert.

~thinking you were going to a Guns N' Roses concert but ended up at a US Women's volleyball game verses China and getting kicked out after they jeered when one of the players got face planted. "YEAHHHHH!!!"

~shark stories and how research labs use surfboards to lure great whites

~his friends dropped his passed out, drunk-ass off home and laid him out naked on his front lawn. to make matters worse, they had picked up construction materials on the way home and paint a yellow line down him and surrounded him with flashing saw horses

~how he drove a VW convertible Rabbit until he realized it was a "chick car" and then over compensated and got a Ford Bronco

~how last night at the Halloween party, my Elecktra booty was winning the bootylicious content until Mr. Hottie spanked his own @ss.

Like a blue-haired old lady, the conversation switched to my health and I updated them on my latest health sitch. This week, it's an arthritic left hand and my hair falling out... in clumps. It's seriously so gross and I'm having bald nightmares. Some people fear losing all their teeth, I have night terrors about losing all my hair. It's "my thing man". I don't know who I'd be without my goldielocks. The doc is now adding estrogen and progesterone to my t-rone mix. This week, it's the estrogen deficiency that's wrecking havoc on my body. Then the boys lectured me on getting healthy only to start training for Ironman again. I cried so they stopped. Works like a charm when you tearfully say, " I JUST may BE that BALD girl gimping at IRONMAN CDA this year!!"

And then, the topic of Prince came up. Here's where the conversation got heated. I say Prince is CREEPY they say, "Purpleeeee Rainnnnn. OMG! He's soooo amazingggg." They continued killing me with Prince songs until I faked dry heaving. I think then, they got the point. Here's a picture of Professor Creepy. He's trying to show his tender heart but all I see is a melancholy freak with a soon-to-be mullet. Any guy that changes his name to a symbol and sings like a shy 13-year old girl is NOT talented. It's just plain strange.

It's at this moment, I catch up with myself and re-realize, I LOVE MY LIFE! I love my friends, I love their sick sense of humor, I love that telling dirty jokes is a part of our routine. I love that we sit in the sun, drink coffee and laugh until I completely lose my voice. I love that we're all triathletes. I love the we speak the same language. I love that I'm not training right now and after brunch, would go home to snuggle in bed with Roxy and read blogs. I love that the ocean breeze blows through my apartment and I can hear the waves crash. I love that I don't have a boyfriend and in no way have to compromise my life. I love that I'm at no risk for getting my heart broken. I love that last night I dressed up in my 3rd costume of the Halloween season and I'm saving best for last. I love that my friends throw pool parties and jump in the pool in full costume. I love.... my life!

Like how normal people do

As Normal as Normal Gets

You know those long rides. You're a couple months into solid training and you start fantasizing about living like "normal people." When the "normal people" talk starts, you're deep into Ironman training. Your weekends are solidly packed:

-Friday night swims after work (if you slept in and missed AM Masters)

-Long bike ride that takes all of Saturday (because the remaining time you're either preparing to ride or eating like crazy and taking delicious showers to get all the road grime off you)

-Sundays you're getting up early for the Manhattan Beach ocean swim (because god forbid you swim in that shark tank alone).

-You hit your stride mid Sunday-afternoon to get the long run complete so you can munch popcorn and finally take a break from the weekend that is now over.

L: "Ahhh, to live like normal people do..."

H: "Yea, I mean... WHAT do normal people do all day?!"

L: "Well for starters, they get to sleep in."

H: "Yea!" (grunts displeased for effect)

L: "Umm, I guess they go shopping, they do brunch, or they stay out late hitting the town."

H: "What's up with that?! Why do we do this to ourselves?!"

L: "At this point, I have no idea. I just wish I was normal for a little bit."

Well the triathlon fairy must of heard me because WA-LA! I'm "normal"!

I stay up late and go to parties.

Fellow triathletes Patti and Liz from LA Tri Club. Of all the tri clubs I've been in, LA certainly is amazing! Aren't the babes hot here in LAh? It was the day of Kona so I wore my koa beads to commemorate the sacred of all triathlete holidays: Kona World Championships!

I gamble at these parties.

I suppose it was beginners luck because I had never played craps before but by golly, my dice were HAWT!

I get lucky at these parties.

And ever notice how easily superstitions start? You do something once, get lucky, and then have to do it every time because it "brought you luck." I'd never make a good gambler. I'd have so many tics and habits by the time they'd get to me it would be a hot mess.

You go out to play.

No, I'm not dating him. I don't believe in dating, having boyfriends or husbands. I just like the picture and because the rest em aren't post-able. He challenged me to shotgun, old school, beer can style. It was a 3-person competition that I couldn't resist. I won. If you can't compete in triathlon, you gotta get that competitive edge out somehow~ And by the way, G is for goddess.

You throw surprise birthday parties for besties.

I know one of Lesley's favorite places to eat: the Indian restaurant in Playa. I planned a surprise party. She asks me my weekend plans, I feign "jam-packed". If I say with cute boys, she leaves it alone. Nevertheless, she invites me again to dinner Sunday night at the Indian restaurant. I say I'm busy but I'm standing in the restaurant putting the balloons up. Surprise!

I only surround myself with fabulous people.

Lesley is the copy to my paste. Or I am a copied paste of Les. This is getting confusing. We the same. She was one of my first friends when I moved to LA last July. I used to think she was so sweet. Now I know, she's ridiculously loud, crewd, hysterical, and slightly alcoholic. She's just my type.

These fabulous people also happen to be triathletes.

There you have it, one of the members of Team Blondtourage, racing Ironman Coeur d'Alene 2010. Our t-shirts are going to say, "Sponsored by Nutella".

You go to UCLA vs. Cal State football games

It was 95 degrees in this photo. There was lots of walking from the car to the stadium to our seats. There is lots of sitting surrounded by stinky people that are all hyped-up and aggressive from watching the game.

You cheer for sports rather than PLAY them.

I mean... people "attend football" as a hobby. Seriously? The fun parts of the experience were a) the tailgating that was more fun than watching the game, b) lemonade slushy that I considered pouring over my head, c) sitting under a "mist"er by the bathroom while the others finished watching the quarter, and d) excitedly leaving 4th quarter for the comfort of heading home in the air conditioned car. Oh yea and the post-game Mexian food!

You fuss about stupid things like furniture.

It never rains in LA. In fact, I had my goddess chair on the patio for the past 4 months. I went to work and realized, Los Angeles would be getting rain. Ten hours later I arrived home to a soggy lounger, mushy chinese lanterns, and a thoroughly rinsed dining room table complete with candles.

You do silly things like yog in the rain.

Yes I said yog as opposed to jog or run. Either word would be misleading about the type of exercise I am currently engaging in. Besides little to none, I run/walk and since I ADORE running in the rain, I yogged instead.

You observe silly things like your heartrate and raindrops collecting

on arm-hairs

A few moments before this picture, my HR was 128. Pretty good given the fact I just walked up 75 steps and thought I might pass out.

You get tan lines from the smallest of endeavors

Pretty cool eh? Tan lines from 30 minutes of yogging in the rain. Then you worry about the wrinkles and 35th birthday you have coming up.

You put up with fussy pets because what else do you have to do?

That's right, Princess Pee-Pee pants doesn't like to get her paws wet. For reals. This dog prefers dry grounding only. She needs to be picked up and carried in order to get biz-nuss done.

But the upshot is, when I'm not training a bazillion hours, I get to enjoy silly little moments, with sassy little pouts like this one I caught on film. I may not be hard-bodied and wickedly fast but I've been living life and taking the time to smell the roses and watch the sunset.

it's alright... i've been on vacation

i went to the docs the other day. i was faced with that obligatory check-in: the scale. i'm not sure why they need to know my weight. it's not like it helps their diagnosis. after this incident, i've decided to wage a war. i refuse the scale on a matter of principle. that torchure devise is the cause of many a woman's unhappiness. i loathe how a simple number can make or break a day or worse, self-esteem.

i approached it and thought about whether or not to keep my shoes on. i wouldn't be knowing the number so who cares if my shoes added 5 pounds. last minute, i decided to take them off.

i haven't known "my number" in quite a while. after being sick for so long, it wasn't worth distressing over. i needed to rest and there would be inevitable weight gain so i just didn't want to see the number. that number would only agitate and frustrate. it would bring no good to my mandatory bed rest.

i stepped on the scale and said to the assistant, "i don't want to know." i then turn my back so i can't see the numbers. it must have been difficult to understand what i was communicating because after a few moments she states, "you weight ---"

no shit. the dumb beeotch told me my weight. you'd think the whole, "don't tell me" and back to the torchure device was pretty clear but somehow, she no comprende. (she was white)

"what's WRONG with you? why would you do that?" i then cried. it's a number i haven't seen in over 10 years. she tried to assure me that i look great but that wasn't the point. i don't want a number to define me. and in that moment, it was really hard not to.

when i got sick, i purposely gained weight to see if that would help rebuild my immune and endrocrine systems. but after a while, the bed rest and the willful engaging in eating and drinking as i may, pushed the agreed upon number further. it was okay. there was nothing i could do except accept that my body needed time to heal. exercise would only stress and hinder my healing process. i decided the more pleasure i had, the happier i'd be, and the quicker i'd heal.

i'm lucky enough to work with eating disorders every day. that keeps it real fo shizzle. there is no hurried weight loss. starving yourself and skipping meals is a really really bad idea. in fact, it only works against weight loss. forcing exercise on a weak body is straight up abuse. and the body will let you know sooner or later that you're being an asshole to it. in the end, nothing happens fast and only balancing your diet will help achieve your goals. so you must love yourself and your body. you must accept it for what it is right now. because any kind of hateful resistance will impede your process and more so, make you miserable from the inside out. this will take time and being my body's caretaker is the only way to go about this.

i heard someone utter the word "vacation" yesterday and it clicked. i hear there is an inevitable 5 pound weight gain when you go on a cruise. so why not with my 6 month magic carpet ride to health? reportedly on cruises there is decadent food and deliciousness abounds. when you go to a wedding or to the bahama's you find yourself say, "why yes, i WILL have another piece of cake. thank you! and put another beer on my tab." you should. you're on vacation.

so i've made peace with my weight. i've been chillaxin on the high seas of fluffy down comfortables and ambling on television wavelengths. i've said "NO thank you" to taking the stairs or going for that early AM bike ride. i've enjoyed everything i love and then some more... thai, indian, nutella, sushi, brownies, red wine, fro-yo, any other random thing that tickles my fancy and oh yea, nutella. i've slept 12-14 hours on a regular basis. i've spent many an all weekend in bed. i've cried. i've laughed. i've gotten massages and pedicures. i've flirted with cute boys. triathlon may be long forgotten for now and my waist line may have expanded but it's alright...

i've been on vacation.

Keep calm and carry on!

I forgot how stressful it was to start a new job. I miss the comfort of knowing the routine, my patients knowing and trusting me. I hate this whole, "test the new therapist" hazing crap. It's like being on a job interview for 8 hours a day. I just gotta let the storm ride out. Keep calm and carry on. It will be better.

I don't trust my bike. Okay correction, I trust Svetlana. I just don't trust myself on my faithful stead. She beautiful, fast and sassy. My bed-ridden legs however are mushy and good for snuggling, not for riding any considerable terrain or length of time. But it's like riding a bike right?! Hop on and realize, once you can... you always can. Right?! Gulp...

I'm really nervous about jinxing myself and stating for the record "I'm healthy." For the past 2 weeks I've been feeling better but for the past 5 months, I've been bed-ridden. Not cool. I don't know when I'll officially be healthy or more so, when I'll be ready to start training. 

I try ("try" being the operative word) to not get neurotic that everyone I know is still training and fit during their off-season and meanwhile, I've been partaking in the Bon Bon plan: chillax, watch TV, eat as I please, laugh, attend parties, chillax. Come November, that is, if my body is game, I'll have another 6 month build-up to return to previous fitness. I was so wishing I'd start 2010 season already fit but that's not my reality.

So for now, I'll be happy for those doing Kona, not bemoaning the fact that I'm not. I'll be happy that I'm alive and have a good outlook, and don't have cancer! I'll embrace that I can't be anything than content with where I currently am, and really, I've got it pretty damn good.

Here's Kona 2007. It was a great trip and so here's to FUTURE trips being even better!

 

Tis Fall: A time for reflection, change, and alcohol abuse.

my life is changing. thank you october for always making sure my life gets interesting. i seriously love october and that tonight will be a harvest moon. makes me want to get all goddessy and light candles, becoming the new season.

and speaking of seasons, one automatically, or one afflicted with my kind of thinking, goes to triathlon season. ushering out the old, transitioning into the future new.

this time in october, two years ago, marked one of the happiest times of my life. i was in kona, hawaii, an observer of the most exciting sports event, ironman world championships. i with with friends, my coach, and my finance'. we got engaged a day or so before the race which ended being a good idea. the engagement was later decided to be a not good idea and we parted ways.

october last year marked the passing of my dear rosco dog as well as the wedding that would never be. it was a sad month but a time of change and ultimately, all change is good. i was also, in a relatively new town with newer friends, in a job that's newness was wearing off and wearing me down. it also marked the final "binge" before i hunkered down to the hardest training season to date.

this october, i am in percolation.

1. To cause to pass through a porous substance or small holes; filter.

2. To pass or ooze through.

3. To make coffee.

v.intr.

1. To drain or seep through a porous material or filter.

2. To become lively or active.

3. To spread slowly or gradually.

i have been working on accepting what is. suffering comes from our refusal to except reality and the thoughts that argue and won't let go. in embracing my health, the callous nature of my romantic intent and interests, my financial and work life choices. i am passing through the reality of my limitations, its benefits, and i most certainly, am making coffee again. hello dear brew. i've missed you. 

health: no diagnosis and likely never will be. just thank god it's not cancer. there's nothing like a health crisis to humble you and get oriented to what's real and what's at risk. bottom line, something happened which resulted in knocking out my immune system and entire endocrine system. after 5 months of poking and prodding and doctors visits and medication i am finally experiencing some relief. but to my guru credit, not before i embraced my body and health reality. it must have been the peaceful surrender that ushered in the shifts of energy. and for the those amused tri geeks, i've got enough t-rone medication for a deficient male but it's still not enough and i certainly wouldn't set off any drug testing alarms. i'm a wo, not yet a wo-man.

it's the resistance that provokes and prolongs suffering. so here's my reality.

love: there is power in not caring. really you should try it... there's a high in knowing no one can possess you and therefore risk harming, compromising, losing, negotiating your heart and mind. they're not for sale and it will take a mighty proposition to consider caring again. this love clause however, does not apply to friends and family. there's always enough and more love from where it came from.

jobby job: i was existing in a situation that was toxic to many aspects of my well-being. can't tell you how many people have told me unprovoked, how much younger and happier i look. for 15 months, it's as if the very water i was drinking for nourishment was actually poisoning me, not because it meant to or was "bad", just because that was the wrong batch for me! i've started a new and exciting job, much more suited to my personality. i look forward to seeing how it and i unfold.

triathlon: not the season i wanted but definitely the season i had. i can appreciate however that all that hard work has gone into the bank of training history, stored in the legs and spirit. in reflection of what was for a different and better tomorrow, here are 5 questions taken from Joe Friel.

1. What was the high point of your season? Why does this stand out for you? Was it what you thought it would be at the start of the season?

there was no point, only a collection of beautiful moments. it amuses me that my mind's photo album only has visions during training and with people. i always thought i trained to race and push myself but now i see that i do it because...

a) Nature: i love nature and being in gets me high

b) Spiritual Moments: i love living before and as the sun comes up, when the world is still and quiet

c) Friends and Family: they make my life (creating the 12 days of Cmas: Tri Version, while shouting "taint" at the tops of our lungs into a Malibu Canyon, climbing for over an hour with 2 of the most lovely women you've ever known... now that's a high point!).

and yes- this is a surprise. i love training as much as i do racing. and those special solo moments and particular people infuse all the life-joy there is. here i thought i did it because the hardware and PR's soothed my ego. and yes- i thought this season would be my best yet, marked by my hard work and steely determination. i was determined alright, and drove this party train right into the ground because i thought that's what success took.

2. What was your greatest disappointment? Why did this happen? Is there anything you could have done to have avoided it?

hmmm, let's see. let's start with thinking i'd have the best season of my life but instead, not being able to finish a race for the first time ever. 8 months of single focused preparation for a most emotionally painful ironman to date. 

digging deeper-getting so sick i couldn't work or function in life? my bed was my only reprive and even then resting made me exhausted. not being able to think or play. i have NEVER turned down fun but i had no choice.

why DID it happen? because in pursuit to please my ego and those important to me, i didn't listen to my body. then again, i thought it was normal ironman fatigue so quite possibly, this is just something i needed to go through to learn.

in the future: *learn to accept who i am and where i am athletically (i can only be what i am at that very moment) *surround myself with mentors who believe in me and teach me to believe in myself and heed to my body's warnings *take lots of naps *don't train so much *infuse more pleasure (i.e., be with people) while training *keep getting labs to make sure i stay healthy.

3. Looking back, do you think you trained as wisely and as hard as you could have trained?

i did the best i could with the experience, knowledge and guidance i had at the time. looking back, i will be doing it differently. 

effort= A+++ (comment: dammit if i didn't give 120%)

expectations= D (comment: too hard on myself. force my body and success too much)

output= C- (comment: my body did the best it could. sadly, not what my expectations and hopes requested)

4. What is the one thing you most need to work on for next season in order to perform better?

rest. pleasure. training time with friends. acceptance. belief in myself. trusting my body's wisdom. mentors that inspire me. watch for fat- if i'm training and dieting like a freak but putting ON weight, i need to immediately take a break/nap/indulge/de-stress/go on a date/have sex/chillax. if i'm training hard but i seem to be getting worse and worse results- stop immediately. follow the de-fat plan.

5. What would you most like to accomplish next season? Is it a good stretch and yet within your reach if you do things right?

ok, here's the tricky part. race goals i'd like to someday accomplish if possible:

a) run a 5k with a 6-ish pace

b) run a half-mary in the 1:30's and eventually hit a sub 1:30

c) run a mary at or sub 3:30

d) do boston

e) go sub-5 at a half-ironman

f) swim a sub 30 minute half-iron swim again to debunk "it was a fluke"

g) bike a half-iron in the 2:30's

h) go sub 11 on a hilly ironman

i) go sub 10:30 on a flat ironman

j) qualify and complete kona

these goals are not lofty and are well within my reach. that is if life, health, my body agree. otherwise, my overarching goals are to live well. laugh often. throw lots of parties. drink much. eat delicious food. have amazing sex. become my own boss and support myself comfortably. dance like a freak. be free of personal judgment and critical evaluation. rid my life of people who don't support any of the above. hold babies. snuggle in comfortable bedding. live in visually decent environments. play at the beach often. give and get lots of hugs. invest in more clothes that support my current more voluptuous frame and where them with j-lo pride and glamour. take lots of pictures. starting now...