15 weeks worth of wisdom

things i've learned about myself, pregnancy, and my relationship in the past 15 weeks.

- i like to make bulleted lists. i never really thought about myself as someone who likes bullet points but it's true. no flowing paragraphs please. just get to the point.

- the blogs i'm following are changing. out with the triathlon blogs and in with the mothering blogs. wtf?! when did this become me? i guess about 2 weeks ago when i decided that information was power. for about 20 minutes. then the overwhelm and panic set in.

- i don't like too much pregnancy information. i like my "what to expect when you're expecting" iphone app. it tells me how far along i am, how big the baby is, and a tiny informational snapshot. all the pregnancy books i received (not bought) are collecting dust. i was afraid i'd start having new pregnancy symptoms just because i read about it. i'm protecting myself from my inner hypochondriac. 

- i don't want to know too much about the birth process either. i guess all my hard-earned life lessons of trusting others more than listening to myself is finally paying off. i don't really care other people's experiences. i got pissed this morning when i saw an ad for a new tv show called "expecting." they showed 4 headshots of women terrified, sweating, and screaming. why all the drama? i know it's a possibility but i'd rather see a women going inward, channeling inner strength and resolve along with all the women who have birthed before her. i'd rather see a couple partnering together in focused effort and all the other scenarios that are divergent from the stereotypical drama-birth where women have no power.

- having midwives that are family and friends that are ob docs is pretty damn awesome. oh yea, and having your mother be your midwife is downright rock star treatment. for awhile there, i was endlessly asking questions. mainly, i just wanted reassurance that what i was experiencing was normal. having your fears assuaged and normalized is one of the best pregnancy gifts i've experienced. 

- people can be seriously annoying and know-it-alls when your pregnant. the best kind of information comes from a source that says "you can take it or leave it; this is just what worked for me." it doesn't come from someone who presumes to know better than you. let me share the following humorous example:

madre: "i don't know if you heard but liz is pregnant. she's in the living room on the couch."

neighbor (standing in doorway): "oh wow! congrats!!"

me (1st trimester, tired & nauseous) : "hi there! thanks. i'd get up but i'm really tired right now."

neighbor: "oh get up! exercise! exercise! exercise! exercise is the key to a healthy pregnancy. when my wife was pregnant, she exercised all the time."

me (thinking to myself): "wtf?! you've never even been pregnant dude and now you're going all biggest loser on me?" i mentally gave him the middle finger and decided to tell him to "screw off" next time he had some helpful hints on how to be a better pregnant woman.

- given people's propensity for strong opinions, i'm unsure about sharing the gender of the baby ahead of time. sexism is still alive and thriving my friends and worse, sometimes even the most educated and socially aware of people unknowingly pass along sexist sentiments. why are girls (and women for that matter) still getting a bad rap?! you can't watch a tv/movie preview without seeing yet another woman going psycho storyline and yet in psychopathology, it's really men who are doing all the crimes and have the disorders. i really don't want to hear one more person say that "boys are easy and girls are so difficult." that's just not true. if people want the facts, there's a great book entitled "pink brain, blue brain" that really doles out the biological, emotional and behavioral differences between the genders.

- and now for a lighter topic: my new boobs are awesome. i've been a proud member of the "just enough" boob club. i could wear tank tops with a light shelf bras or even go braless. in a world of gross, fake excess, i was a very satisfied small-breasted woman. i had GREAT boobs! and now that they're changing, i love them too! it's really fun to put on bras and just stare at my rack. i feel downright lusty and scandalous. coupled with my new and improved luscious locks, i'm feeling straight-up sexy. it's going to be fun to watch the girls grow and reach never seen before proportions. 

- i am sadly fearing said-rack not returning to their original shape post-breastfeeding. i am not opposed to a modest boob job when it's all said and done. i reserve the right to whatever i damn well feel and want post-baby to make me feel great. rest assured, it will be what i want and not what playboy tried to pass as sexy.  pop culture is seriously distorted when it comes to women's bodies; sorry folk, 12-year old boy bodies just aren't appealing or natural. why hasn't anyone caught on that hugh heftner is a huge dork that doesn't know the first thing about a real woman or a real relationship? he'd still be a loser if he hadn't started a magazine to fantasize about all the women he didn't have a chance with before he had fame.

- and speaking of sexy and men, let's talk about the greatest partner in the world: my man. i am so in love with that man and feel beyond lucky to be his partner. we make an amazing team and truly bring out the best in each other. for his part, i feel so loved, nurtured and supported. i also feel so excited because this journey has only brought us closer and more blissful. it really is unbelievable to experience such a deep, kind, fun, passionate kind of love. and watching my child in his capable arms will make me seriously consider pulling a tom cruise, jumping on a white couch professing what a lucky lady i am!

- i don't want baby junk. i just want the bare essentials that come highly recommended and preferably previously used. going along with my distaste for excess, i don't want to become psycho parents that have anything and everything and lose sight of what's really important. le bebe will have great parents that love each other and her/him very much. we will have a great home close to the ocean and nature and sunshine. walks on the beach will be plentiful. there will be many rich, diverse experiences so this child will grow up well-balanced and emotionally healthy. as a family, we won't lose sight of quality time and relationships over quantity of things, money, or success. and when it's all said and done, jet and i will look back and say, we did our best. we weren't perfect but listened to our hearts and own wisdom, said sorry when we needed to, and never forgot the importance of a hug or a fun time.

- and lastly, i learned how important it is for me to surrender and trust myself and my partner. there is just no reason to for me to be anxious while pregnant. i have what i need, i will learn what i don't know and in the end, it will be okay, one way or another. what my baby needs right now is to focus on the daunting task of growing and becoming. there is a great article on how our child's future emotional temperament and capacities are being influenced by my present maternal state: http://www.time.com/time/health/article/0,8599,2020815-1,00.html 

all i need to do to facilitate that by trusting in the process and taking care of myself. i'm getting deep rest and eating well. i am completely loved and supported by a great partner. i live in heaven aka: santa cruz. i have a great family and amazing friends. my job is tough but the challenge is stimulating and deeply satisfying. bottom line: a happy mom = a healthy baby and well balanced adult.

Sick of rich privilege? Then stop watching Charlie Sheen!

That's right folks, just say no to the whackadoodle. Actually that adjective is too light and fluffy. How about violent misogynist? Yes, that's much better.


The NYTimes wrote a great article that covers 2 of my favorite injustices to get on my soapbox about: elite privilege and sexism. It basically talks about how all this Sheen press reinforces women are disposable and that the rich don't need to be accountable for their crimes. 


http://www.nytimes.com/2011/03/04/opinion/04holmes.html?_r=1


To reiterate Sheen's violence against women let's recap:
1) In 1990, he accidentally shot his fiancée at the time, the actress Kelly Preston, in the arm. 

2) In 1994 he was sued by a college student who alleged that he struck her in the head after she declined to have sex with him.
3) In 1996, a sex film actress, Brittany Ashland, said she had been thrown to the floor of Mr. Sheen’s Los Angeles house during a fight.
4) In 2006, his wife at the time, the actress Denise Richards, filed a restraining order against him, saying Mr. Sheen had shoved and threatened to kill her.
5) In December 2009, Mr. Sheen’s third wife, Brooke Mueller called 911 after Mr. Sheen held a knife to her throat.
6) In October 2010, another actress in sex films, Capri Anderson, locked herself in a Plaza Hotel bathroom after Mr. Sheen went on a rampage. 
7) And in March 2011, Ms. Mueller requested a temporary restraining order against her former husband, alleging that he had threatened to cut her head off, “put it in a box and send it to your mom.” (The order was granted, and the couple’s twin sons were quickly removed from his home.) 

“Lies,” Mr. Sheen told People magazine.

Well than that's settled Senor Douchebag Sheen. I'm sure they ALL were lies. 

What's equally horrible about this is that the womens' voices are being discounted because they are judged to be frivolous women: sex workers, D list celebrities, porn stars, etc. That kind of thinking is in line with the notion that a women deserves to be raped if she dresses sexy and has been drinking. As a women, put yourself in risky/non-traditional situations and all bets are off, men can treat you as they wish. REGARDLESS of what the women do, no one deserves to be threatened, intimidated, or hurt. Even if you are dating Senor Douchebag Sheen.

And for one last irritant, Sheen has been calling his 2 live in ladies "Goddesses." Goddess has made it's way back into our vernacular and I like it. Finally there's an adjective that depicts women as powerful and I hate that d-bag Sheen is using it. However, it's beyond insulting because you know how little he values women. It's like a big fat joke. Maybe he feels they're Goddesses because they currently please him and worship him. We know what happens when a women tries to go against the great Sheen... she just may get beheaded like Anne Bowlyn.


So please stop watching Sheen media because it gives him more of a platform to flaunt his rich privilege: "I can do whatever I want and you suckers love it." He learns that he can run his mouth and set Twitter world records. The only media he needs is being handcuffed and held accountable for his crimes. When he sits in jail cell, lonely with no Goddess to make it all better, no one to stroke his narcissistic ego, he just might learn he is NOT all powerful and he can't treat people like dirt.

Not much to say

I didn't realize I'd be going on radio silence back in July but apparently, I haven't had anything to say. Or at least, things I wanted to say out loud.

I've been thinking about my concept of a blog and what would interest me to start writing again. In reviewing my old school myspace blog, I had lots to say about triathlon. In fact, 247 pages worth of things to say. Training and racing triathlon were my life.

Musings of a Golden Girl started out as a way to document, explore, and share a health crisis. It also was about acceptance and starting a new life because the way I was doing things no longer worked for my physical and mental health.

Since then, I've been been realizing what a big mouth I really have. I have lots of opinions and lots of things I want to say. Politics, human relationships/dynamics/psychology, and a feminist take on media are all things that I want to start sharing again, out loud.

I also want to talk about motherhood. Holy heck who ever thought that would be something I'd have anything to say about? I always left that up to the friends who had dared to venture into that big, scary unknown called parenthood. Well despite ambivalence and the desire to get at least a couple more years before facing the prospect of starting a family, nature intervened.

The saying goes, "It all began with two people in love..."

So my blog is back. I can't promise it will be fascinating, consistent, or aligned with your political/social views. But I can predict it will be honest, earnest, and an attempt to keep the conversation going.

Let the broadcasting begin...

Eating, Breathing, and Loving

i live a truly gluttonous life, a life i've always wanted to live. like the characters of eat, pray, love and under a tuscan sky, after a truly disastrous blow up of a life once lived, i too moved, completely changed my way of living, and starting getting my groove back. just like stella.

it's a life that i don't feel guilty about having, well that's mostly true. some days i get off my center and have visions of people gathering around with judgmental pitchforks yelling "get a job. get a life. start your company. study. stop being a sloth. contribute more."

and then... politely (as politely one can bitch slap) i tell that brutal bullying thought to go f*ck itself.

now back to why my life rocks.

well first of all, it rocks because it's a life i created. my design. i did this. allllll mine. i wanted to stop working. i wanted to take a break, rest, be around my family, live in a beautiful place, eat organic locally grown food. I wanted to breath freely and not have a million things i needed to do.

for sure, i was also clear about what i did NOT want to do. i no longer wanted a life that was never good enough; always upping the ante. triathlon became the mirror of what i was starting to believe my life's destiny was: never good enough. i started sinking into that abysmal belief that no matter how hard i tried: denied myself, push myself, fought stronger, fell hard but got up harder... i would still, despite my efforts of blood sweat and tears, fail.

i wasn't always this way. in fact, i was born with obnoxious optimism. and for most of my life, it served me well. believe you can do something and surprisingly, you can and most likely, you will do it well! this blind luck got me to places i never dreamed of reaching.  blind because i often had no idea of what i was getting myself into and luck, because for most of my life, things really would turn out quite well~

i went to college. i figured out how to get good grades. i traveled and lived in cool places like guam and hawaii. i became a doctor. i became a triathlete. i did ironmans and brought hardware home frequently from races. i made lots of cool friends and experienced weird things that are now fun to tell stories about such as sky-diving, cutting all my hair off, and surf kayaking 15 foot waves. this list goes on and on.

it periodically amazes me that i have had so many cool experiences and stories to share and relate.
i'm only 35... how did i live THAT MUCH life already?

well in truth, it was because i had created a monster: a life that was never enough. and so it came to be that the very thing that fed and fueled me for many years, came to be the very thing that would destroy me. my inordinate ability to tolerate pain, endure suffering, delaying gratification, put others first, excel at being a type AAA, work hard and train harder, push push push, do, always keep my cool, be on my game, think on my feet, burn the candle at both ends of the stick... all this got me to a life extremely lived by age 35. AND it got me sick.

like the law of attraction, i attracted people into my life that would echo this sentiment: in particular, a coach, a boss who both played a significant role in damaging me and bringing about my decline. it always had to be more. i also attracted experiences that would echo this painful lesson. triathlon had once been something that brought me so much joy and a sense of achievement. it had become something that consistently made me feel not good enough, having not trained or pushed hard enough, been disciplined enough, talented enough. enough. i needed to do more, be more, hurt more. my increasing failure to perform seemed to be an indicator i was doing something wrong, that i wasn't doing enough.

i WAS doing something wrong. i WAS doing too much. in fact, i WASN'T doing little enough.

yes, you read that correctly: i wasn't doing little enough.

(and by the way, when i finally gave up... i gave all the bullshit that makes life unneccesarily complex. i gave up giving a damn about crap like spelling correctly or have good grammar. i gave up caring about anything that makes one strive for perfection or more. i have no decency and frankly, i don't give a damn. in fact, i've purposely left mispellings, grammatical errors and poor use of parethases to prove my impish point).

i needed to do less. in fact, i needed to do so much lesser that i wasn't even starting at ground zero. i was like a meteor that crashed into the earth and was now sitting 100 feet below the earth's surface, imploded and steaming, with bits of myself strewn everywhere and life spirit and energy seeping from me like the great BP spill.

i continued to keep seeping and declining long after i had stopped moving. i lost my health, my ability to think, reason, remember. i lost the ability to make a living, buy groceries, move my hands, sleep without night sweats or wake without migraines, stand up in the shower, get out of bed, call people back, feel peace, exist without deep pain, or just breath without sinking into even deeper exhaustion. i'm not kidding. every moment that i existed during that time i was in incredible pain to just be.

how lame is that??!

i had done so much, pushed so hard, that now i had lost my ability to recover. and that my friends is something that you do NOT want to lose!

imagine not being able to heal a wound, be able to sleep off a hangover or a brewing cold. imagine losing the taken for granted ability to wake up feeling rested and rejuvenated. no matter what, you never felt better. and on some days, you felt worse than you imagined possible. that's what all that hard work got me.... deep into hell.

getting painful to read? starting to feel monotonous? yea, i knew the feeling.

so getting back to why my life now rocks. well because i completely overhauled the life i was once living. i did extreme makeover: SOUL and SENSE OF SELF edition. after awhile of flailing like a fish out of water, i gave up. i let go of my identity as a triathlete, a successful professional. i stopped doing most everything. and then, i only started doing what i wanted. i entered into the era i now affectionately refer to as the "pleasure protocol" portion of my life.

if it felt good, i did it. if i wanted to eat it, i would. if i wanted to sleep more, be touched more, cared for, stare at more sunsets and starry nights, watch mind-blowing amounts of total trash television, drink, party, scream, f*ck, nap, ask, be needy, get backrubs, massages, eat delicious fatty and meaty foods with reckless abandon.... i did it.

like nike, i just did it.

and in truth, i'm still f*cking doing it mutha truckas. take that old sucky life with all your shoulds and rules and ought to's. suck it.

my life rules because i'm currently on sabbatical. i sleep in every day. if i stay up late, i don't worry because i'll make sure to sleep in and get in an afternoon nap. i don't rush. i don't schedule myself. if i'm late or things don't go right such as people driving normal, i don't care. it's their problem, not mine. i stare at humming birds and watch the sun move across the sky. i eat leisure breakfasts with my adoring family. they feed me. they house me. they entertain me, listen to me, hug me, make me laugh, tolerate my not so great me moments. LOVE me.

we sit in the morning sun, sip morning tea, indulge in even more rugged coastal cheddar (get it from costo... it's to DIE FOR) and live life like we got nothing to do because in truth... we really don't. ask me how cool it is to take a sabbatical with other people that are also taking sabbaticals? i'm resting and recovering. they're taking breaks from birthing so many babies (others, not her own) and to write books; all very good reasons to take a break from common, boring, mundane, suck the life out of you kind of life lives.

when the fog clears, i hit the water for some paddle boarding or i take a jog in the redwoods or lush meadows with killer ocean and mountain vistas. i get up and have no idea what i'll do that day because i have nothing that i have to do. i'm on vacation. i'm on a boat! (never thought i'd be on a boat).

so yes. my life currently rocks. i'm eating, breathing, and loving. and.... it's working.

i'm coming back to life.

Crusin for a Bruisin

i have a thing for costumes. i played "dress up" as a kid which was stocked full of vintage goodness. little did my parents know their golden embroidered grandma special dress was making deep impressions in my soul. the sunday best dress also came equip with white lace gloves with buttons and a fur hat.

and that was only ONE outfit. never mind the nights of arabia get-up i had going on. i was the costume queen of the block and more likely, of the entire county.

well it stuck.

so now everyday i like to express myself through fashionista ways and other days, i wanna go alllll out. i throw parties just so i can come up with another costume and fall in love with everyone else's costume too.

so you wanna know wbat i did the other day? i went online shopping at yandy.com. i was cruising for a bruising when i decided to "just see" how much all the costume i wanted actually cost. that store is like crack to a costume addict. although i have yet to make the purchase or any variation there of, here's a sampling of my madness.

and by the way, i already deleted about 5 other items. i didn't like the way $1000 looked on payment due section.

YANDY COSTUME BENDER, May 2010

Polka Dot Petticoat SKU: LA-83452 White / One Size Fits Most Item Price: $19.95

$19.95

Masquerade Mask SKU: LA-2096 Pink / One Size Fits Most Item Price: $5.95

$5.95

Material Girl Skirt SKU: ST-9274 Black / One Size Fits Most Item Price: $13.95

$13.95

Lurex Leggings SKU: LA-13544 Black/Silver / One Size Fits Most Item Price: $9.95

$9.95

Nippies Superstar Pasties SKU: B6-SUPERSTAR-STAR Gold/Chestnut / B Item Price: $14.95

$14.95

Cat Woman Costume SKU: RM-1237 Black / Medium/Large Item Price: $64.95

$64.95

Pom Pom Faux Fur Leg Warmers SKU: JV-8021 White/Gold / One Size Fits Most Item Price: $39.95

$39.95

Pom Pom Faux Fur Hood SKU: JV-8018 White/Gold / One Size Fits Most Item Price: $39.95

$39.95

Striped Skirt & Lace Top Set SKU: JV-7020 White/Silver / Medium/Large Item Price: $69.95

$69.95

Super Sexy Rainbow Brite Costume SKU: LA-53014 Royal Blue/White/Rainbow / Medium/Large Item Price: $59.95

$59.95

Green Fairy Costume SKU: DG-5886 Medium Item Price: $49.95

$49.95

Japanese Doll SKU: EM-9378 Black/Red / Small/Medium Item Price: $33.95

$33.95

Groovy Fringe Mohair Legwarmers SKU: JV-562 Light Brown/White / One Size Fits Most Item Price: $44.95

$44.95

Groovy Woodstock Baby Costume SKU: JV-550 Brown / Medium/Large Item Price: $68.95

$68.95

Promotional code summer applied.
(Works on non-clearance items) 

Select your Shipping Method (US)  FREE Flat Rate Shipping. Free over $70. 2 to 5 Business Days (UPS/USPS)   UPS Ground1 to 5 Business Days depending on your zip code. Not Available for PO Box or APO.   USPS Priority - USPS Priority 2-3 Days (Average) for Most Areas.   UPS 3 Day - 3 Business Days - Continental US excludes Alaska & Hawaii. Not Available for PO Box or APO.   UPS 2 Day - 2 Business Days - Continental US excludes Alaska & Hawaii. Not Available for PO Box or APO.   Overnight Express - 1 Business Day  Estimated Delivery Select your method first All orders received by 3:30PM PST / 6:30PM EST will ship on the same day Shipping to a different country? Albania Algeria  Angola  Antigua and Barbuda  Argentina  Armenia  Aruba  Australia  Austria  Azerbaijan  Bahamas  Bahrain  Bangladesh  Barbados  Belarus  Belgium  Belize  Benin  Bermuda  Bolivia  Bosnia and Herzegovina  Botswana  Brunei  Bulgaria  Burkina Faso  Cambodia  Cameroon  Canada  Cape Verde  Chile  Colombia  Costa Rica  Croatia  Cyprus  Czech Republic  Denmark  Dominican Republic  Ecuador  El Salvador  Equatorial Guinea  Estonia  Faroe Islands  Fiji  Finland  France  Gabon  Georgia  Germany  Ghana  Gibraltar  Greece  Greenland  Guam  Guatemala  Haiti  Honduras  Hong Kong  Hungary  Iceland  India  Indonesia  Ireland  Israel  Italy  Jamaica  Japan  Jordan  Kazakhstan  Kenya  Kuwait  Laos  Latvia  Lebanon  Liechtenstein  Lithuania  Luxembourg  Macedonia  Malaysia  Maldives  Mali  Malta  Mauritius  Mexico  Moldova  Monaco  Morocco  Mozambique  Namibia  Nepal  Netherlands Antilles  Netherlands  New Zealand  Nicaragua  Nigeria  Norway  Oman  Pakistan  Panama  Paraguay  Peru  Philippines  Poland  Portugal  Puerto Rico  Qatar  Romania  Russia  Rwanda  San Marino  Saudi Arabia  Senegal  Serbia and Montenegro  Seychelles  Singapore  Slovakia  Slovenia  South Africa  Spain  Sri Lanka  Sweden  Switzerland  Taiwan  Tajikistan  Tanzania  Thailand  Togo  Trinidad and Tobago  Tunisia  Turkey  Turkmenistan  Uganda  Ukraine  United Arab Emirates  United Kingdom  United States Uruguay  Uzbekistan  Vatican City  Venezuela  Vietnam  Virgin Islands (US)  Yemen  Zambia  Zimbabwe

Subtotal: $537.30

Arising from the ashes

the name of this blog has changed. as has my life.

completely.

i once was an overachiever. i was a young doctor with lots of ladder-rungs to climb. i also was an aspiring athlete. while i had mild talent, i needed more training to race like the kind of athlete i wanted to be. i was an overachiever;  i also wanted to be better than i ever was, at that very moment; "it" was never enough.

i then was a seriously overtrained athlete and a very ill woman that had to sit 2 weeks, silently and alone on a potential leukemia diagnosis. then it wasn't that but no one knew what was "wrong with me." and i got that question ALL THE TIME. "so did they find out what's wrong with you?" when you feel like shit and don't have answers or any leads, that question, although well-intentioned, is a constant reminder you're lost at sea and there are no hopes of rescue.

the next chapter would be described as passionately clinging onto what i once thought was important,  MY PREVIOUS LIFE (no small thing to completely give up and change), resisting my illness, and then falling into acceptance with brief moments of mindful peace. resist, accept, accepppppt,  RESIST! FIGHT! give up exhausted. accept. repeat.

until finally, i radically changed my life. and as it turned out, for the better. thank fucking god! life can be so hard and painful that we need, I NEEDED, a rainbow at the end of that, blow the shingles off your roof and in fact, rip up the foundation tornado.

i have since moved to one of the most spirit-stirring beautiful places in the US, fallen completely in love with one of the most amazing men i've ever met, and am blissfully surrounded by my loving, supportive and ridiculously fun family. i haven't worked for the past 4 months. and if you're jealous, blow the wheels off your life and then talk to me about "i wish I COULD take that kind of time off." this was and still is completely neccesary for my recovery. i'm also insanely grateful that i've created this opportunity and have the support to heal. when people ask me "what do you do?" i now tell them, "i do me."

yes, i'm completely investing in me. i'm getting healthier, wiser and more prepared. i won't always be on spiritual vacation but when i start working again, all the books and writing and reflecting i've been doing will absolutely pay off. every prophet spent their "time in the desert", soul searching and getting prepared to spread their message. and while i'm not at all delusional about being a prophet or spiritual leader, i have a message to share about healing and health. and i'm looking forward to the day when i'm ready to share that message and journey.

so yes folks, the blog is back and this phoenix is arising. only this time, i'm back with a brand new addition. i'm no longer a triathlete goddess but the girl, living from one golden, blissful moment to the next... and revealing in them when i find them.

yang burnout and the wisdom of surrender

The Wisdom of Surrender Most of us pride ourselves on our self-sufficiency. We like to be responsible for taking care of ourselves and pulling our own weight in the world. This is why it can be so challenging when we find ourselves in a situation in which we have to rely on someone else. This can happen as the result of an illness or an injury, or even in the case of a positive change. At times like these, it is essential that we let go of our feeling that we should be able to do it all by ourselves and accept the help of others. The first step is accepting the situation fully as it is. Too often we make things worse either by trying to do more than we should or by lapsing into feelings of uselessness. In both cases we run the risk of actually prolonging our dependency. In addition, we miss a valuable opportunity to practice acceptance and humility. The ego resists what is, so when we move into acceptance we move into the deeper realm of the soul.  In needing others and allowing them to help us, we experience the full realization that we are not on our own in the world. While this may bring up feelings of vulnerability, a deep feeling of gratitude may also emerge as we open to the experience of being helped. This realization can enable us to be wiser in our service of others when we are called upon to help. It takes wisdom and strength to surrender to our own helplessness and to accept that we, just like every other human being, have limitations. The gifts of surrender are numerous. We discover humility, gratitude, and a deepening understanding of the human experience that enables us to be that much more compassionate and surrendered in the world.