The Existential Crisis....at 34

Hey this is exciting! Instead of 11 readers, I'm rocking the 40's. Thanks for tuning in my fellow blogers :)

So the topic de jour is: Existential Crisis... at 34.



An existential crisis can occur when the answers to the questions about the meaning and purpose of life (as well as our place in it) no longer provide satisfaction, direction or peace of mind to an individual.

I'm turning 35. 30 years old... no problem. 31, 2, 3, or 4... I still got game. 35? Shit's hitting the fan.

I'm pretty sure it's time for me to feel my age and wonder what the rest of my life is going to look like. That's pretty normal to take stock. I'm also pretty sure getting sick this year, fearing a Leukemia diagnosis or never getting better have also ushered in thoughts of death, life, and meaning. But at 34? I still seem so young and yet suddenly, feel so old.

I'm still very attached to being a triathlete and resuming the sport as quickly as possible. The ability to move freely would restore some vitality. In fact, in pursuit of feeling better and my prior life as a triathlete, I signed up for Wildflower Long Course. Shhh! Don't tell the financially responsible side of me that I quite possibly flushed another race entry down the toilet.

Here's a little video on one of the best triathlons around. It's unbelieveably challenging, beautiful, unique, and fun. It's known as the "Woodstock of triathlons."
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jTIDwE7DgbA

I'd like to meet that someone special but Lance Armstrong is undateable and Beckham is taken. I've been told I have too high standards but I told them they were a hippie and to stop picking out Grizzly Adams looking campfire guys. I know it's hard to find an emotionally intelligent and supportive guy but they're recommendations don't take into account my deep appreciation for man-scaping (aka: grooming).

Okay, technically my hippie people wouldn't pick out a gun toting mullet guy but you get the point. Whoever this is... he's unique. I've only loved completely with all my heart, once, and the horribly funny thing is that I'm not talking about my ex-husband. See photo above.

I've learned from my mistakes and I'm not willing to settle. That makes it really hard to fulfill my second 35-year old wish which is to some day... have kids. (Somewhere in the distance, I hear friends who have known me, fainting.) And I'm not willing to Angelina Jolie it. Parenting is hard enough so single-parenting without the  bucks to hire a staff seems like volunteering an eyeball. Besides, isn't the fun part of becoming a parent making it?

So for enlightenment, I googled it.

How to Deal with an Existential Crisis

Some of the suggestions were down right awesome:

1) Turn on a light, preferably 75 watts or brighter.

umm, what does light have to do with the fact that I'm feeling old and disabled? Do you mean all this time I could have been healed with wattage?
2) Drink a cool glass of water.
see above.


3) Clean whatever room you're in. This will help you clarify your power over the world and give you a few minutes to do some basic problem-solving. Don't just straighten things up, but clean. Use a cleaning product.
thanks windex! that should get rid of the mersa and typhoid. whew. feel better already.


4) Try to voice what your problem is. Some people write full-length sentences to help determine what their issues are. Others start by writing a poem in order to get their thoughts and feelings flowing.
see previous blog. didn't work.

5) Imagine several different people you like or respect giving you advice. Don't pick anyone abusive. Try Mr. Rogers, your first grade teacher, or that person you had a crush on in 9th grade. They don't help very much, do they? But it's fun talking to them.
i don't even know what the crap this "tip" is suggesting. talk to mr. rogers about turning 35?

6) Imagine giving advice to someone else in your situation. Would you still think this was as big a problem?
yep. sucks to get older, be sick. and surrounded by losers asking for your number. and don't say, "at least you've got guys asking for your number." see photo above. hint = mullet

7) Talk to someone who loves you, like a friend or a parent.
i'm pretty sure they're sick of the blue-haired-special topics i've offered these past 6 months. "so this week, i've lost hearing and partial use of my right leg."

8) If you can't do anything about your problem right now, accept it.
no shit sherlock. how?

I'm off to find Bhudda and see what she thinks about this. After that, I'll be logging onto match.com. Do you think they have a search criteria for "no psychos" ?